POOL

you can smell it even before you see it. even if theres one in the neighborhood, as opposed to, say, the one at the fitness center. your nostrils contract with the super slippery smell of the chlorine, and you know theres a pool nearby. water bound by structure and forced to drink chemicals. otherwise it would be a big, sloppy petri dish experiment.

standing on the diving board, the rough fiberglass under my feet, wet from the last diver, i look down into the water as the instructors words filters into my awareness. dive. it's ok, just go ahead, don't be afraid, sounding muffled through the pulse rushing like a throbbing wind through my ears. the water is too deep, I'm thinking. i can't do this. panic, i want to turn and go back because I'm not so sure about this. the smell of the pool, the half-naked bodies of my schoolmates, and mine—I'm sure everyone's looking right at me now. but i can't move—the waters going to swallow me up and I'm sure I'll end up on the silent bottom with the water crushing my ears, my chest, my lungs. suddenly i feel a push from behind. my head jerks back slightly as my body is propelled forward. i fall heavily for what seems like 10 minutes and finally feel the sting of the surface as it rushes me. ow. an explosion of wet sound, then silence. I'm falling, slowly, but floating too, like going two directions at once. the dry chemical flavor of the water fills my mouth, my eyes bulge, fear pushing to be seen from behind them. eternities trickle away as i thrash, seeking the opposite of down. in an awkward arc i make my violent way back to the brighter light, and when i reach it and plow my way through the surface its like a second birth. i suck a huge, needy, painful breath.